December 24, 2007...11:27 am

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Dear Santa,

For three years now you have sent out the elves during the month of December to check in on the kiddies and update your Naughty/Nice file.  For three years you have randomly left them treats in the “elf basket” that sits nicely on our hearth.  For three years it has been a delightful and sweet part of Christmas at our house.

Now why, why on earth would you allow your elves to place something the likes of red and green Silly Putty in our elf basket?  Did you run out of ideas?  Were candy canes and pencils not cutting it anymore?  I’m sure you thought you were being festive and creative, but you didn’t think this thing through sufficiently.  Don’t you have some area there at the North Pole where extremely naughty children test the toys just to see what could happen with them?  No?  Then I suggest that next time you have a hiring round I will send up four candidates that will not disappoint.  They can think outside the box and show you ways to demolish and destroy typical household items with a toy in a flash.

Thank you Santa for all of your hard work.  I hope that my letter doesn’t discourage you from all that you do, but please take it to heart.  We will see you soon!

P.S.  All I want for Christmas is a new steam cleaner and some Goo Gone.  Thanks again!

Love,

Lane

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